Tar and Abby

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

The Snake Incident

The Snake Incident

It all started as I was taking a basket of laundry downstairs. I glanced at the bottom of the stairs and there was a snake slithering by on its way to the family room. A. SNAKE! The snake had a spade shaped head and that isn't a good thing in snake-ville. It had all the markings of a rattlesnake. And it was a SNAKE! I screamed and threw the basket of laundry at it and ran back upstairs.

I grabbed my three young children and hustled them down to a neighbor's. I borrowed the neighbor's husband, we armed him with a golf club, and sent him forth. He investigated the family room. No snake.

I sent neighbor's husband home and called the police. They declined to come and rescue me. Snakes coming into yards is common around here, you can handle it Plucky Little Woman. NO! No, I can't! Okay, then call this snake fancier's club (there are such things?) and see what they suggest.
I called. They tried to tell me the snake probably wasn't a rattlesnake, it was probably (PROBABLY?!) a harmless bullsnake. I answered, "It. Is. A. SNAKE! I don't care what kind of snake it is. I want it OUT of my family room!"
"Okay, okay, calm down. Put out a piece of wet burlap on the floor overnight and the snake will crawl under it".
Crawl. Under. It.

I gave up the role of Plucky Wife and called my husband at work. "COME. HOME. NOW! SNAKE IN THE HOUSE!"
He came home. He's good like that.

First he re-searched the family room. He upturned sofas and chairs, pulled bookshelves out from the walls, emptied and searched all the toy containers, picked up and searched the laundry I threw down the stairs. No snake.

I gathered the children from my neighbor, loaded them up and off we went to the fabric store. Asked for and bought real burlap, soaked it in water and left it out all night on the floor of the family room. Early the next morning, earlier than he ever wanted to be up, husband checked under the burlap. No snake.

My husband thought that was the end of The Snake Incident. HA! We took the kids to the pet store. I bought a Sacrificial Gerbil. I put the poor gerbil into a glass fish tank. With a lid. Set the fish tank on the family room floor and trained the video camera on, pressed record and left it running all night.

Next morning the gerbil was still there. I watched 12 hours of video tape, fast forwarded. No snake slithering around trying to get the gerbil. No snake at all. Just one very bored gerbil.

I bought the gerbil $50 worth of gerbil toys and gerbil treats and a gerbil habitat and gave him to one of the kids who lived down the street.

We never did find the snake. I know he's down there someplace. He's about 20 feet long right now...


anne marie in philly said...


Bob Slatten said...

Not Snoqualmie? I love those falls almost as much as I love a photobombing squirrel!!

the dogs' mother said...

You gotta have the power of the school kids behind you. The force is strong with them.