Tar and Abby

Saturday, November 5, 2011

The Revenge of the Turkey

28 years I have been cooking turkeys.
Then The Engineer took over with a deep fat fryer.

Being a woman with a reputation to keep
I started making a pre-turkey so I would have drippings and broth.

This year I got a bit....lax.
I bought a casserole instead of a roasting
pan. Big mistake. Also didn't buy the turkey enough
ahead to thaw properly so the thing went in partially
frozen. Put in lots of liquid to make sure I have enough drippings.
You guessed it. Another mistake.
Tried to pull it out when it was done and the foil collapsed.
Broth spilling like a waterfall into the bottom of the oven.
Smoke roiling out of the oven. Smoke alarm shrieking. Open
all the windows. The Engineer brought a fan up from the garage. We
opened the front door (BIG mistake). Got the DAMN turkey
out and attempted to take its damn temperature. Battery
out on the food thermometer. Juices run out when we move
it to a platter - pink. Shoved the turkey back in the oven.
We're going to burn that sucker. Now.... WHERE ARE THE
Out the front door of course.
MASS PANIC. Grab leashes, cookies, dog whistle, chains,
run out in socks and found them cavorting around some
poor man and his dog (who was on a leash and behaving
himself). Thank Gawd, thank you, thank you, thank you.
I am never making another pre-turkey again.The Engineer
can deep fry them and I'm using canned broth and olive
oil and butter and I bet nobody can tell the difference in the stuffing
and the gravy. It is like all the turkeys I've cooked over the
prior years are getting revenge upon me.


Kathleen Maunder said...

OMG, the dogs out of the door would be the end of me. It's happened twice with Meeko, once he was intrigued by our neighbour working in the garden so stopped and another time, like you, he stopped to say hello to a passing dog and dog owner. Phew!

Just curious, are you doing a mid-U.S./Canadian Thanksgiving?

froggy said...

No just getting the broth/drippings turkey stuff out of the way and in the freezer. That way we don't have turkey too close to the day.
Did do Canadian Thanksgiving as a wee child (ages 0-9 and 12-15). If my grandparents came up then we did Canadian and American Thanksgivings.

MakingSpace said...

You just never run out of excitement there at froggy central do you. Wowza!!

Bob said...


Man, what a dog-tastrophe, although, and I hope it isn't just me, now that it's all said and done, it sounds high-lariously funny.

Like an old Doris Day/Rock Hudson movie!

S'A said...

Thank goodness my husband hasn't jumped on the fried turkey bandwagon! My Uncle fried one some years back and I prefer my traditional brined and baked bird! I'm sure the man with the dog wasn't too thrilled, but I'm glad your pouches didn't get far!

mrs. miss alaineus said...

tony read this to me last night, so glad it didnt turn worse.


Sam said...

Wow. You do have more excitement than us and you don't ever leave the block! What is a Cnadian/American turkey day?

froggy said...

Canada has their Thanksgiving in October. I never knew why. To me, as a kid and as an adult October is ALL Halloween ALL the time! So we had the day off and my mom did the turkey thing. And if my grandparents came up from the states we'd do thanksgiving all over again, regular school day of us with a thanksgiving turkey for dinner.

David Dust said...

The one time I ever cooked a Thanksgiving turkey the same thing (foil turkey pan got pierced - drippings shooting out into the oven - fire alarm goes off).

I've never tried it again. Much easier just to let Mama Bunny/Stepmama Bunny do it.


froggy said...

If The Engineer ever gives up the deep fat fryer (or the first time he sets the lawn shed or wood pile on fire) I'm buying a big heavy duty roasting pan!